seriously... gettin' sick of this

so here i am in the hospital again. after going in friday, the doc said that if i wasn't feeling better, that i should come in. even if i was feeling the same, i should come in for some more IV antibiotics. or better yet, just come in anyway as a precaution. well, i felt the same, and came back in.

so doc number two tells me on saturday that my white blood cell count hadn't gone down very much, so again, if i don't feel much improved, i should come back in. sunday afternoon was baby bradley's blessing day, so we went to lunch at jared and liz's, then to sacrament to the baby blessing. turns out i looked a little pale standing up in the circle, and after sitting in the hottest church ever (i made two fans for carter, who was freakin' funny as heck to watch waving in front of himself the thing just to watch it), and getting a little feverish, we decided to leave and just go lay down. i felt about the same as saturday, so we decided to go in for another IV. totally thinking alls i was gonna get was some more IV. well, the doc tells me she called my surgeon, and turns out 3rd time's a freakin' charm, and they want to admit me to the hospital to give me all sorts of IV antibiotics (through my hand this time, not the front side of the elbow), and make sure the infection is going away and not turning into an abscess. suck ass. when the doc left, hayley and i said if we'd known they were gonna do that, we might not have gone in! but really, if it makes me better, that's good, i guess. but i don't love that i'm getting to know all the hospital staff. they're friendly (except that one nurse from the first night), but i don't feel bad if i don't get to know them all personally.

so here i sit. giant IV bag slowly pumping into me, and waiting for a third CT or CAT scan in the morning. (turns out CT and CAT scans are the same thing...) please bless that i'm better tomorrow. i don't wanna continue with this nonsense. i just want to be better and sleep nights at home in my bed! missing hayley is the worst part. she's home without me. luckily we google chatted to pass the time until i don't get any more food or water (midnight). so again, here's hopin' this is the last of it. i want to post something that doesn't have to do with my guts rotting...

---------------3:18 a.m. update---------------

I CAN'T FRIGGIN' SLEEP. I'm sick of this place. I have tried reading, playing games on my phone watching TV, counted how many little tic tic tic tic tic tic tics, my IV makes before it makes the BRRRRRR sound (it's 30 if you're wondering), tried closing my eyes, emptying my head of thought, watching the black and red phase in and out when my eyes are closed, but I can't sleep. I am sick of the lady across the hall that can't hear. The nurses have asked her if she wants them to speak up--they must've said yes, because they yell at her so she can hear. She won't keep her stupid oxygen on right now, and she's getting some pain medication. They were moving her bed before. I'm sick of hearing her updates. I'm sick of the not-quite-dark of this room because the door is open. I don't want to close it because if I fall asleep, I don't want the nurse to wake me up when she comes in to change my IV. I just want to rest, but I'm not tired at all now. BAH!!! If anyone is online now, feel free to email me funny youtube videos or chat or whatever. I need to get tired enough to sleep!!!

---------------3:54 a.m. update---------------

Ok, now I feel bad... the lady across the hall is really struggling breathing and making some awful coughing and choking sounds, and I think they are helping her breathe because there's some sort of air compression sound and suction... sorry, lady across the hall. I hope you start feeling better...