No one is going to read this

I don't get too political very often. I hope this "Kony 2012" movement actually works. I really do.

So lots of people are talking about Joseph Kony today. Well, they've been talking about him for longer than that, but I just found out about him today. And I'll be honest, I finally watched the video because two of the celebrities I follow on instagram posted something about him. Don't know who Joseph Kony is? Here's my own personal recap of what I have found out:

• Joseph Kony is a rebel fighter in Uganda. He is supported by no one. He doesn't have much purpose besides just having power. He's gone into peace talks a bunch of times, but then goes back to violence. 
• Kony kidnaps kids from their villages at night. He tuns the girls into prostitute slaves, and the boys into children soldiers. He makes them mutilate other children's faces, makes them kill their parents, and then they become his soldiers.
• He's been doing all of this since the 80s.
• The USA doesn't do anything because there's no direct (or even indirect) threat to our country. It's just senseless violence and the killing, rape, and mistreatment of non-american men, women, and children. Mostly children. Like 30,000 children.
• Well, the USA did do a little. Some ambassadors from the army were sent to help look for him. 
• But because Kony doesn't threaten us directly, if there's not a reason to continue to look for and arrest Kony, and the money, resources, and technology needed to arrest him won't be used.
• That shit should stop.

I want to try to gather and share some of the thoughts that came to me after having watched this video. I agree with that last bullet there. When you watch the movie, it may seem a little dramatic, but think of all those kids that he has turned into monsters. It's nuts. It's not overly dramatic. It is really that intense.

I also think it's great that something is being done! In a situation where the normal people see tragedy and evil, and they found a way to actually make a difference. I can share this on facebook, and while I usually make cynical remarks about supporting a cause on facebook, the whole point is to just have it talked about. If it is still in the public eye, the politicians who can do something about it will keep doing something about it. It feels like a big "we the people" moment, and it made that cynic inside me shut up for a while, and be excited that something could be done.

Then, that cynic started sneaking its way out again. Why can't we do this about issues facing america? Why can we all rally around this idea and make it better? I guess it's because the outcome we want for "Kony 2012" is pretty cut and dry. No one can seem to agree on how to rally around our issues at home. Feeding the hungry and housing the homeless, let's say. Oh, let's just go CRAZY on talking about food stamps, shall we? Should there be drug tests? Shouldn't anyone, even if they are unfortunate enough to be a drug addict, be able to eat? Aren't the homeless just lazy people who won't take a job at McDonald's? Why should MY tax dollars go to help people who do drugs and are lazy? Why SHOULDN'T my tax dollars go to help them? Who else will help them? Doesn't improving those people improve society as a whole?

Then, I start to think why I'm not an activist about anything. Why I don't dive deep into the issues. Because deep down, I don't think I can really make a difference. If I vote democrat in Utah, does that even matter? If I vote republican, does that even matter? If I don't vote at all, does that EVEN FREAKING MATTER? All politicians are made from bags of dirt and lies. As prim and proper as they look in a suit and tie or pant suit and heels, they're going to disappoint, come short of promises, and the end result--no matter who it is or what party he or she is from--will be about the same. Some things fixed here, others worsened there. Some left alone, and others dealt with. The political party only changes which batch of things go in which pile. But this movement... can it really mean I could actually help something?

Maybe it's because Uganda and the Invisible Children are so far away. Maybe because kids are dying and we all know that's inherently wrong, so that's why we can rally around it. If it were happening at home, we might see things differently, or just differently enough to form two large opinions--parties, if you will--and debate the best way to go about it, and how to spend the money. But as cynical as I might get, or as much as I've been let down by politics and politicians in the past, I want this to work. 

Catch that sonofabitch. Hold him accountable for murders, assaults, rapes, prostitution, slavery, and crimes against humanity. Because if we all didn't talk about it, no one would care, and nothing would be done. And if something CAN be done, and we do something about it, maybe we can do more. Maybe we can do more at home, even if we can't always agree on exactly how to go about it.

Quick tip No. 13

Just avoid using the third person on your facebook status.

*disclaimer: this is going to be a long post about grammar
*nuther disclaimer: this only mildly irritates me enough to write a blog post about it. If you're guilty of changing voice in your status updates (and I may very well be as well), we can still be friends. This is just a quick tip. And I'm not your grammar police, even if I DID get a badge for it in 7th grade English.

The problem with changing voice in facebook statuses stems from the olden days of facebook, when your status automatically defaulted to "So-and-so is..." and you put your text after that, and the text appeared right after your name. Folks, the automatic and forced "is" is gone now. There's no reason to use the passive verb, and no reason to think you need to default to third person.

The biggest problem here is that people don't understand that they have started in a passive, third person voice, so as their sentence progresses, they switch to the more common and comfortable first person.

Here's an example. THIS IS WRONG:

Sally Schnawz
is really excited about my nose job surgery! I love it!

First, take a look at your facebook news feed and notice that facebook has now put the text under your name. That way, we all get that the next bit of text is from you, and Facebook is not forcing you to start a sentence with your name anymore! Secondly, when you update similarly to the example above, it sounds like you are saying that a third party person with your name (Sally) is excited for you, and you love that she is excited for you. What you really tried to say is that you, Sally, are excited about and love your nose job. So you should just say that. THIS IS RIGHT:

Sally Schnawz
I am really excited about my nose job surgery! I love it!

Don't get it yet? here are a couple actual examples from people with whom I am friends on facebook, complete with an explanation of what English tells us they said, my understanding of what they tried to say, an example of what they should have said had they really wanted to continue in the third person, and and example in first person. I make learning fun!

Helen Hungrypants
really wants Cafe Rio for lunch... wish it wasn't far away! I have a free meal!

• What it really means: Person A knows someone named Helen. Helen wants Cafe Rio. Person A wants to use his or her free meal card to satiate Helen's desires for a salad, loaded with more than the daily allotment of calories for the average person. And a soda. Because free meals come with a soda.
• What Helen tried to say: Helen, herself, is craving Cafe Rio and wants to use her free meal card to get something for lunch, but Cafe Rio is far away. Shucks.
• Third person example: Helen Hungrypants really wants Cafe Rio for lunch and wishes it wasn't far away! She has a free meal!
• First person example: I really want Cafe Rio for lunch. I wish it wasn't far away; I have a free meal!

Theresa Therapist

Thinks I am going to like this semester. Love my play therapy class & hope I can learn a lot in my marriage & family therapy class!

• What it really means: Person A knows someone named Theresa. Theresa thinks Person A is going to like school this semester. Person A loves Play Therapy and is looking forward to Marriage and Family Therapy. The rest of us aren't sure why Theresa has anything to say about Person A's class schedule.
• What Theresa tried to say: Theresa, herself, thinks she is going to like the semester and wants to give some key examples to demonstrate why.
• Third person example: Theresa Therapist thinks she is going to like this semester. She loves her play therapy class and hopes she can learn a lot in her marriage and family therapy class!
• First person example: I am going to like this semester. I love my Play Therapy class and I hope I can learn a lot in my Marriage and Family Therapy class! Also, I need to take a basic grammar class as soon as possible!

There are countless additional examples. As you can see from the given third person examples, third person doesn't quite flow because no one talks that way (except maybe The Jimmy). Just stick to talking in the first person, because you're naturally going to flow that way anyway. It'll save us all the trouble of struggling to figure out what you're really talking about.

Toddler Brain

This may only be funny if you have a toddler... Since my kid is just starting to toddle, it's kinda funny. Maybe less so to Hayley, who has to deal with the worst parts of the tantrums, whining, "no," and all the rest much more than I do.

Image from graphjam.com

Below I have given a few updates to this graph for the Mikey brain:

• He has yet to develop the play-doh center of the Worthwhile-Food Cortex
• His Muppet-Appreciation lobe is not at all developed
• Instead of "Daddy's shoes" in the Toy-Recognition Cortex, he has developed a section for measuring cups and large serving utensils, especially spoons
• His Cartoon Addition Lobe is not fully developed 
• His Endless-Repetition Stem does not contain "The Wheels on the Bus," and "Goodnight Moon" is only part of his nighttime brain function. "No!" is definitely the dominate section of this area
• Surprisingly, his Acceptable-Medicine Center is completely normal. No aversion to actual medicines, except shots, of course

Do you see any changes you'd make? OR additional brain centers in the kids with whom you interact?

Writing marathon?

I saw this on graphjam.com. I don't know if NaNoWriMo is "high-stakes" per se, but this is how I've spent the last 5 or 6 days in relation to this little writing marathon.

Heaven Tetris

There's a web comic I read called xkcd.com. You should check it out. The guy posted this a few days ago:

And then some genius internet person made this:

Enjoy my friends. Enjoy.

***UPDATE*** I un-posted this because the dang embedded thinger wasn't working... is it working for anyone here? If not, go to this site: http://www.gudmagazine.com/games/heaven/

Grammar Nazi

Ok, there's a site called ParentsShouldntText.com that features the technological blunders some parents face when dealing with smart phones and stupid autocorrect. Some of them are silly. Some of them just highlight the typical attitudes of parents. This one showed up today, and I needed to share. I love it.

Teen Mom

When Hayley was pregnant, she somehow became aware of the show "16 and Pregnant." I watched it a couple of times, but it made me so angry at these stupid teenage kids that I finally had to tell her to watch it without me. The kids in the show have made decisions beyond their maturity level and demand to be treated like "adults," yet still live with their parents, don't pay bills, don't work, are in no way trying to better their situation, and still act like kids. The worst part, in my opinion, is that a new show blossomed from "16 and Pregnant" called "Teen Mom," which documents and follows the stories of the dumbass kids that can't figure out how to be parents now that this baby has inconvenienced their lives. (On a related note, life is so unfair. These ill-equiped children have babies because they can't keep their legs crossed, yet friends of mine struggle months and years to have a baby. But that's another topic for another day.)

I'm not against teenagers acting like teenagers. When I was a teenager, I did many things that were completely stupid that I thought were perfectly rational. Like let girls put over 200 rubber bands in my hair on a tour bus just before a marching band competition, or ditch a school assembly to play Golden Eye in my parents' basement, or force my friends to jump out of my car as I slowed down in front if their houses so I wouldn't have to stop and worry that the engine would die because I didn't put enough oil in it. All of these things would (and did) make my parents shake their heads at me or want to ground me. In all fairness, they would have been within their rights to ground me--there ARE consequences to stupid teenage choices after all. You can teach all you want, but even if your kid farts rainbows, they're going to do some stupid thing as a teenager. It's part of life and growing.

But once you become a parent--teenaged or not--you're not the most important thing on the planet anymore. You have to make sacrifices so that tiny little human can survive. That means you don't get to go to late night parties and leave your child unsupervised in a crib. You have to give up some sleep so you can take care of the needs of a little person who can't take care of himself. Figuring out how to feed, clothe, care for, and keep that baby clean become priorities. If you decide to have a baby and keep it, that is a very grown up decision with very grown up consequences. All these dumb kids are so surprised when they figure it out. If they figure it out. And it's SO infuriating to watch!!

I don't know what my deal is these days... everything that seems to give kids a false sense of reality and promotes not only selfishness and bad morals, but blatant disregard for common sense just seems to get under my skin more and more. Who am I kidding, I know exactly what my deal is. His name is Mikey. It all just makes me more determined to teach him right from wrong and hopefully instill a moral code in him that will help him avoid the stupidest decisions (like alcohol, drugs, or premarital sex), and prepare me for the lesser stupid decisions (like jumping from trees, wearing pajamas to school, or giving himself blonde highlights Saturday night, and only telling me and Hayley about it an hour before church on Sunday).

And now to the inspiration for this post. I saw this graphic today. Alls I wanted to do was post it so you could laugh, too, but then this long blog post resulted. Again, brevity is not one of my strong suits. :)

Bullying

Someone shared this video on facebook...

What do you think?

I wish that blog was my idea

You may not want to share the following picture with your children, especially if they can read.




So here is some space to allow you to have them turn their heads while you read this post, especially if they were in the room with you.





Today, I saw this picture and nearly crapped my pants laughing. I can't put a finger on exactly why I think it's so funny, but it really is to me.

If you've never heard of Hyperbole and a Half, you really should check it out. Be forewarned: she's sometimes a potty mouth (as you can guess from this picture). You can read her post about animals here. Just add it to your reader if you haven't already. Hayley's already endorsed it, so just do it. Do it.

Related to #6 on my last post

Just found this. It's awesome.

Conozco Erik Estrada

Some of you may remember this post from a while back. Well, this morning, one of my friends posted some of the lyrics to the "One Semester of Spanish, Spanish Love Song" so I had to go watch the video again, and of course, it was still pretty dang funny. Then I read the comments on the video, and it turns out there is a song for the second semester. And while this isn't super holiday oriented (although there is a line "Feliz Navidad con Erik Estrada"), it's still pretty funny. I know lots of folks liked the first, so here's the second!




And Kudos to Erik Estrada for being a part of this. :)

CityDeals is kinda nice

If you're thinking about getting gift cards for people for Christmas, you should try CityDeals. We just got an awesome one for Simply Sushi--we paid $11 for a $25 gift card. Seriously, you should check it out. (And if you click the links in this post, I'll get some kind of referral rewards. That'd be a nice Christmas present from you to me. Just sayin'.)

--UPDATE--Dear family: there is a CityDeal for Rodizio. You can buy a $25 gift card for $20. I know it's not super great, but hey, buy two and save ten bucks on our brother-sister Christmas dinner. Just click on one of the links above (or this link), and type "Rodizio" in the field where it says "All Categories."

Not looking forward to my business trip next week

Whachawdano

This is pretty great.



Apparently there are more videos from these guys. Some about texting and driving, free WiFi spots, and even Linux. But go check those yourself. I only have so many labels for my posts.

right round, right round, right round....... right round.

I have a habit of making posts last too long, so I'm going to try to keep this short...

While Hayley was putting lotion on her belly this morning, she made very wide and roundy motions, and said, "I wonder if this makes the baby dizzy." I chuckled, but then she starts singing the chorus of the song, "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)" but with her own little twist. No other words but right round. So according to Hayley, the chorus goes, "You spin me right round, right round, right round, right round... right round.... right round...."

When I started laughing, she thought it was for the late couple of "right rounds" she did, so she says, "What? I didn't know how many 'right rounds' there were!" To which, I laughed even more, and when I could talk, I said, "Right. and no 'baby' or 'like a record' at all either, huh?" To which she responded with more laughter.

She's funny. And even funnier with the pregnancy forgetfulness. It really makes me smile a lot.

And for your viewing pleasure, here is the actual music video! Which is quite awful as far as music videos go, but I had to play the song for her after we stopped laughing about the "right round, right round, right round..." and so forth. And yes, I changed the words when I sang to Hayley's new and improved chorus. Enjoy!

All the internet has to offer

I've done something like this once before. but with the lovely world of RSS feeds, I can make wasting time on the internet even easier for myself! The below mentioned are websites that I check out via google reader. You don't have to do the same, but I think they're fun. All of them may or may not have naughty language, so if you have kids in the room, review the sites before sharing.

• Fail Blog - some of these aren't so funny, but it's fun to have something in your reader. Lots of crazy people out there, I tell you what.
• PostSecret - updated every Sunday morning. You should really check it out.
• Found Cameras and Orphan Pictures - Not updated often, but if someone loses a camera, memory card, or photos, they can send a couple pictures to this blog, and maybe even reunite them with their owner.
• Passive-Aggressive (and Just Plain Offensive) Notes - featuring all sorts of roommate squabbles, lived out through post-its on the fridge. And other things.
• Stuff White People Like - this one hasn't been updated in quite some time. But it's funny little quips about the most stereotypical white culture.
• Boy On A Stick And Slither - Awesome web comic. One of my favorites. Hasn't been updated since March. There used to be one like every couple days. Makes me sad.
• Best of Craigslist - a recent find. Sorta funny. Not updated frequently. I might stop reading this one.
• Lamebook - makes all sorts of fun of facebook. Updated frequently. Like multiple times every day.
• Toothpaste For Dinner - Web comic. Poorly drawn (on purpose), satirical, with the option to buy T-shirts. Updated daily (or at least week daily...).
• There, I Fixed It - redneck repairs. Including turning one of those super old exercise bikes into an elliptical machine made of 2x4s. Awesome.
• Words to Shoot By - not so much funny as interesting. Photographers are given a word, and they take three photos based on the word. My friend, Robin, participates and is why I subscribe. One day, I hope to actually take decent photos. Not photographer quality, mind you, but just decent. Not back-lit or blurry.
• Awkward Family Photos - ...doesn't really need an explanation.
• xkcd.com - a web comic that uses stick figures. It's awesome "a webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language" is the subtitle. One of the best parts of this web comic is the alt tag text. Leave your mouse on the image, and read the text that comes up. It really adds to the humor of the comic.

So there ya go. That's what I'm doing when I'm not reading all ya'll's blogs. What do you read on the interwebs a'la RSS feed?

Obama = Frodo... and not in a good way.

If you didn't see it when I posted on Facebook, check this out. First, I'd like to say that I'm not an Obama hater. I just don't think there is ANYONE in politics that is worth anything, regardless of political party. I know people that voted for Obama solely because he was going to close down Guantanamo Bay, or end the war... Well, if Bush was a liar about WMD, or the "We've won the war" fiasco, then Obama should answer for his BS, too.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Respect My Authoritah
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

And yes, I know Jon Stewart with The Daily Show may not be the source I should go to for information, but Mr. Stewart IS an Obama supporter. It goes to show even more why I can't get involved in politics... all the lies, deceit, strives for power... and that's the sad part. I guess with my disappointment in the President is just more disappointment in myself for not caring and not doing much about it...

Look at this...

Ok, so you've heard of those motivational posters, right? They've got a little phrase and a picture that are supposed to be inspiring, and they show up all over corporate America. My work is not exempt. We've got more than a couple on our walls... Here's an example of one.


I can't really tell what it says there, but you get the idea... Nice little picture, inspirational quote. Not really that impressive, but covers the walls and makes management feel a little better. So there's another website that makes fun of these types of posters. They use the nice little picture, but the supposed "inspirational quote" is really kind of mocking at the original idea of what these sort of posters should do. Case in point:


Well, thanks to the interwebs, we get all sorts of these, not just the classy kind of mocking posters like the one above. Now people make them just to make fun of goofy pictures or just dumb people. Observe:


I'm getting to a point here...

So with these sort of images running all over the place, and because I work in corporate America, I get various email forwards with bunches of all types of these pictures. The only real constant is the black background/frame, then a word or words in a large font, followed by words in a smaller font. Some are funny, some are not.

Today I got a forward with one of these types of images... I'm not proud of it, but I couldn't stop laughing. It's not that it's dirty or anything, it just really may not be that funny to anyone else. But I seriously could NOT stop laughing. Every time I thought or said the words "look at it," I would lose control. I even started crying, I was laughing so hard. Other people were laughing at it with me, but mostly, I think they were laughing at me and how crazy I was to think it so funny! Even after work when I was telling Hayley about the image, I started laughing uncontrollably. She also laughed; again, I think because I'm a dork more than because she thinks it's funny...

With my pride on the line, and the knowledge that you'll all think I'm a big, giant dork, here is the image that I think is so dang funny.

Isn't that hysterical?!!! Even when I went to upload the image just now, reviewing it made me laugh. I mean, it's a giraffe, right? It looks like he's pointing at that duck. Look at it. hahahaha!! LOOK AT IT!!

Ok, let the name calling begin.